Jessica’s story
My name is Jessica. I am a happy person and I have peace inside of me, but it wasn’t always like this. There was a time when I wanted to die and I tried to take my own life because I was so unhappy inside. Let me tell you a bit about my story.
I have parents that love me and I always knew that they did but for some reason I just didn’t feel really happy inside. I felt sad a lot, especially when I hit the teen years. I didn’t even know why I felt so sad and so bad. When I was with my friends I’d put on this happy face and hide how I felt inside. Looking back now, I think I was depressed, but nobody knew about it.
When I was 14, they showed this movie at school about what drugs can do to you and how bad they are. I think the movie was meant to scare us into not using drugs but it seemed like the video had the opposite effect on me. I decided hey this seems like something I should try and maybe it will make me feel good. So as soon as I heard about someone in the school who was selling drugs I went and found them and bought some. I started with pot and acid. I guess getting high made me feel a bit better so I just kept using it. But then soon I was using it every week and then, every day. And then I was trying every kind of drug I could get. At lunch time at school we’d go out and smoke pot and in the evenings we’d often smoke more. On weekends we would use the harder drugs with the pot. I would lie to my parents about where I was going and what I was doing but they were suspicious and would question me a lot. When I wasn’t high, it seemed that I started getting more depressed than ever. I would feel so low at times I just wanted to die. I attempted suicide by taking bottles and bottles of pills but part of me felt really scared to die. I was numb when I woke up the next morning, and a little sick, but…still alive.
I often would wonder about life…why I am here…what’s my purpose…is there a God…does he care about me? One day I thought I’d try talking to Him and I asked Him if He could help me out…help me to quit using drugs… help me to change…and to find happiness inside.
One of my best friend’s cousins was addicted to heroin. His name is Rolly. Rolly tried everything to quit using. I heard he even had people tie him to a tree so he wouldn’t use. He tried all kinds of rehab programs but nothing seemed to help him…he just kept using…wanting to quit…trying everything he could…but hopelessly using. I was scared that I would end up like Rolly but thought I had enough control that this would never happen to me.
This friend and I shared an apartment when we finished high school and we started getting these letters from Rolly saying he had quit using drugs and saying he was happier than he’d ever been before and how he hadn’t gone through any withdrawals when he quit using because Jesus and taken the desire for the drugs away from him. We were really surprised but very happy for Rolly. When we got the invitation to go to his wedding in Vancouver we did everything we could to go to that wedding. We quit our jobs, moved out of our apartment, packed everything we owned into a small trunk and started the trip to Vancouver. We met some people on the way to Vancouver and smoked some pot with them. This one guy (who wasn’t smoking pot) started to talk to us about Jesus and how much Jesus loved us. Some people laughed at him but inside I was thinking …“this sounds like what I’ve been searching for.”
Well when we got to Vancouver we met Rolly’s new friends and they all seemed so happy, and they didn’t use drugs or alcohol. I was really impressed and wondered why they were so happy. I studied these people closely and was very drawn to them. I could see that they had something different and I wanted what they had. I wanted to be happy and have that sense of purpose and peace inside me. But how would I get it?
These same people invited us to a bible study one evening and we went. I heard things I had never heard before…how they had prayed and how God had answered their prayers. Wow! So my friend and I decided to pray for a bible one morning before going out for our job search and as we went through the day, we forgot about our prayer. We were walking down the street in Victoria when we walked right into some big barrels of used books on the sidewalk; we began rummaging through the books and my friend found a bible and a few seconds latter I found an old used bible too. We were so amazed as we remembered what we had prayed for just that morning.
Sunday we went to Church with our new “Christian” friends. Their Church was like nothing I’d ever imagined or been to. People were all really happy and singing and talking to us like they really cared about us and they would offer to help us with stuff like moving or driving us around or giving us furniture. Again I thought… these people are really different… so caring… and so happy.
One day my friend went to a bible study and I decide to stay home. I smoked some pot by myself and started to really think about my life and my drugs and what could make me happy. I realized the drugs weren’t making me happy and that I needed what those happy “Christian” people had in their lives. So I made my decision to quit using and turn my life over to Jesus. I decided that I would do it the next morning, after flushing my big chunk of hash down the toilet.
The next day I waited for my roommate to go to work, and then I knelt down and prayed to Jesus. I just talked to Him like I do my friends, cause I really didn’t know how to pray. I asked Him to forgive me for doing things my own way, for the wrong things I’d done. I felt so sorry I cried because I knew I had done wrong things and I felt bad for it. I invited Jesus to come into my life and I told Him I would live for me from that day on. Then I felt this love, peace and His forgiveness come over me. I got filled with joy like I’ve never experienced in my life. I started to thank Jesus for His love and for forgiving me. It was like a huge weight was lifted and all the depression was lifted off me. I knew Jesus had touched me and I knew I’d never be the same again.
I was right about not being the same. I had never felt so much joy, love and peace as I did right then. I had no desire to use drugs, ever, and have never used them since that day. What I feel on the inside of me now is so much better than any high on any drug. The depression is gone. It is so amazing to live free from that oppression. Sometimes I get upset or a little down when things don’t seem to be going right but it’s not like it used to be. I now have a best friend who never leaves me and who guides me through each day and helps me with whatever I need help with. His name is Jesus. I have peace inside my heart and mind now that nothing in this world can give. God is showing me what my purpose is, why he made me and there is nothing so fulfilling as being in the plan and purpose of the one who created you.
Jesus is truly my best friend and He has changed my outlook on life, my attitude, my priorities and my heart. He says in the bible “Come to me all of you that are burdened and heavy laden and you will find rest for your soul.” I have found that rest, in Jesus, and I hope that you do too. Jesus also says “My peace I give to you, not as the world gives, give I to you.” When you accept and invite Jesus into your life, your experience will be different from mine. The changes in your life may take place gradually. For me, it was drastic and quick, but it might not be the same for you. Just turn your life and future over to Him and see what He will show you and come to know the love that Jesus has for you. Read the bible…start in the book of John; that’s the best place to start reading God’s word. Let Him speak to you and He’ll do awesome things in your life!
